Unanswered Question: Why not spend more time teaching kids how to cope?

It appears to me that there’s a great amount energy spent trying to ‘cure’ the World of unpleasantness and ‘evil’. That’s quite a heavy task. It’s almost as absurd as humankind supposing they are empowered to “Save the Planet”, but I digress.
When I had a group of preschool kids in my home on a daily basis, the pleas for ‘justice’ and my intervention were sometimes incessant.
“Susan! He’s in MY spot!”
“Susan! She’s taking MY blocks!”
“Susan! He won’t stop looking at me! “…”Susan! Susan! Susan!”
My approach to those complaints was to offer them a self-initiated way to cope or compromise.

“Does that ‘spot’ have your name on it? Find another one.”
“If there aren’t enough blocks for you to work with, you can choose to come and draw for now, then I’ll give you time alone with all of them later.”
“You must be looking at him to know that. Stop looking at him.”

I pity the current kindergarten teachers. Kids, today, are routinely taught to lodge complaints rather than resolve their own problems. On top of that, mere irritations have now been given “problem” status. This is a sad situation for all involved. Many, many, people have opted to label themselves as victims, and few realize they have the ‘power’ (and responsibility) not to be one.

We can agree that many of us have been true victims of crimes, and wrongdoing, at no fault of our own. But by instructing kids to ask, “What might I do differently?” or “What may I have done to avoid that?”, I assure you the ‘victim’ statistics would be cut in half in no time. That would happily allow for more attention to ‘real’ victims too.

I’ve gotten a lot of push back and ridicule for asking people who are complaining about their problematic situation, “Could you have handled that better?” Those people ‘triggered’ by my question seem to think there’s a ‘side’ to be taken more than a ‘problem’ to solve. I suggest that the most prudent first step in solving all of our own problems is to ask questions of ourselves. Your problems don’t just belong to the world ‘at large’.

“But unkindness is BAD, and evil is destructive!” I totally agree. Yet I realistically understand the only power I have, when facing those things, is my own reaction and approach. Throughout life I’ve learned I’m a participant in ‘goings on’ not an irritated, aggrieved, observer. News Flash: Those “evil and unkind” dynamics of life aren’t going anywhere.

So why don’t we spend more time teaching kids how to cope? Complaining is an overall waste of time compared to taking a personal initiative.

To adults who were raised as individuals, the online ‘bullying plague’ could be solved by suggesting teens turn selected apps off, opt to “block” offensive content, or ‘unplug’ all together. Those options are readily available. The kids who feel that they ‘can’t possibly’ do that, have already IMHO shown they place a stunning level of importance on “What others think.” and those kids could have used more early intervention and instruction in “How to handle yourself safely and confidently in life.”

My final note is about the Big Picture of “individualism” versus “victimhood”. Free countries can only exist with one of those mindsets. I have no doubt that Marxism is currently winning the battle between those two.


E.M.’s RWP~#293 quantitative- Overwhelm to Conquer

As hard as it is, for some, to imagine, human beings have several limitations on their ability to perceive their environment.
We have all known the phenomenon of our ‘eyes playing tricks’ on us. Deer hunters experience this constantly. They are searching for deer. Their brain is solving every visual image attempting to configure a deer or just a portion of one. Branches, at a glance, are antlers. Any bright or white flash of light is a flagging tail. And when their ears are tuned in, scurrying chipmunks in leaves are instantly recognized footsteps of one-hundred-pound deer. Hunters soon learn how unreliable first impressions can be from their senses jumping to comically foolish conclusions more often than accurate ones. Yet, the single focus of a hunter on that one single pursuit can eventually, with further investigation, produce success in what he’s seeking. Imagine if he were texting, jotting notes, and rehashing the argument with his wife the night before, as he’s hunting. His chances of doing any of those things well, are greatly reduced. This my friends shows how easily we can be overwhelmed. Human beings are excellent problem solvers if given the time and allowed to focus on one task at a time. I don’t make the rules but ignoring that those are the ‘rules’ our brains follow is ignorant and naive.
The central tenant in Rules for Radicals- a guidebook for forcing change in culture, society, and countries-is to overwhelm the system targeted for radical change. This quantitative assault is done by creating too many ‘troubles’ for people to solve, or even pay attention to, thus inspiring them to pack up their proverbial ‘hunting gear’ and ‘go home’. It’s an effective dehumanization tool which can disarm very large populations.
Now consider all of the ‘crisis’ themes we are currently being subjected to… Border Crisis, Energy Crisis, Climate Crisis, Pandemic Crisis, Homeless Crisis, Inflation Crisis, Racism Crisis, Crime Crisis, etc… this large quantity of proposed unsolvable troubles is not accidental.
How many of you know several people who claim they just stopped watching and caring about the ‘News’ for their own sanity? I can’t blame them on one level but their numbness and disconnect is a tool being used against all of us and our futures. Powerful totalitarian forces are undermining the traditional foundations of our country as so many have been lulled to ‘sleep’.
My advice to everyone is to ‘wake up’ and focus on the one thing that makes everything else we do possible … the preservation of our beloved country.


SoCS Saturday- As the saying goes…

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “a phrase you grew up with.” Include in your post a phrase your mom/dad/grandparent/sibling used all the time when you were growing up, or just write whatever inspires you based on that phrase. Enjoy!

This is a premature posting. I hope no one minds. My schedule for tomorrow is hectic and I didn’t want to miss this prompt.
________

I’ve had an old, and widely used, saying rattling in my brain lately. This prompt couldn’t have come at a better time!
My parents often remarked to the child version of me, “Don’t make a federal case out of it.”
Little kids, and all teenagers, tend to ‘panic’ when their immediate ‘gratifications’ aren’t met. There’s a good reason that this happens…they have yet to learn how to prioritize their problems, or needs, in a mature fashion because they’re kids.
Remember how forgetting your library book on ‘library’ day was an “end of life” crisis?
We laugh now but those struggles and emotions are all too real to the 10-year-old who is experiencing that kind of emergency!
Hard as it is to believe, many ‘adults’ want a “federal case” on everything today. Stranger still, our media is calling everything a “crisis” purposefully promoting that reaction!
Well, sensationalism IS good for that business. Money talks louder than principle after all.
It just seems like adults, with a healthy mature outlook, wouldn’t be falling for it in such large numbers.

The use of that saying held a wise message during the time I grew up. To me, it asked for a prioritizing of what I found troubling. It also asked me to pause and use my head. I don’t know anyone who would propose a total meltdown for every disappointment. How exhausting for the person having it AND those being subjected to it! What modern society calls being ‘triggered’*, we used to call a ‘tantrum’. Fortunately, only kids (and unstable adults) were prone to tantrums, once upon a time.
Nowadays? Meltdowns are more common than… sense.
This isn’t a good look or sign of any stabilizing maturity.
Don’t forget, that tantrums used to be handled by ignoring them or punishing those who were exhibiting a need for a “reality check”. Either way, those eruptions were quickly curbed because they weren’t allowed to get any results.
From watching the news, specifically the commentators and those ‘looked up to’ for leadership, there’s a current effort to promote ’emotional unraveling’ on EVERY topic to unhinged extremes. Adults are clearly not in-charge anymore. That makes me very nervous about the future. [ Don’t overlook that the chaos and unrest -created by the ‘unhinged’- is used against our own interests by corrupt forces. It makes for a lovely diversion of our attention away from truly critical matters.]
Here’s an idea?
Perhaps we should bring back the saying, “Don’t make a federal case out of it.”, starting an overdue journey back toward maturity and common sense.
First action? Posting it on a banner in the halls of Congress. 😉

Happy Saturday friends! Cheers!

* If this post ‘triggers’ you, try taking deep breaths or having a glass of wine.

In my humble opinion- Open Border Crisis

See the source image

As I was ruminating on the pros and cons of immigration and more specifically, our current situation, I think I’ve found a ‘real life’ allegory that seemed to put it all together.
Birdfeeders.
Hear me out.
Birdfeeders are delightful things. The person maintaining them gets to enjoy doing ‘good’ and gets to see beauty that might never have been available otherwise. While the birds get a rewarding break from their fight for survival.
Yet, all good things have downsides.
Birdfeeders can become frequented by ill birds who, while benefitting from the ‘easier’ meals unintentionally infect the high volume of fellow visitors. If they hadn’t all been invited, many would have avoided that ugly result. (Think unvaccinated and/or unvetted criminals or terrorists.)
Furthermore, often after a daily schedule of visitors are established, predators show up. (Think cartels and human traffickers.) If you’re lucky, it doesn’t happen right away but sometimes birdfeeders become ‘killing fields’ because of opportunistic predators. A ‘something good’ turned into a ‘something really bad’.
Offering a small number of backyard birds a personal meal, tossed out by hand, at an unscheduled and sporadic timing seems a better way to prevent disaster while promoting a measured ‘greater good’. This sounds like a better immigration strategy for exactly the same reasons. Having a controlled and measured process is the far more humane approach.
It should also be noted that providing the birdseed needed for birdfeeders is expensive. I’ve had to give it up in order to buy my own necessities for that reason. (My bird feeding endeavors usually were only during migration periods offering passersby some support.) I felt bad but the art of ‘survival’ for anyone boils down to priorities of need in the proper order. Overwhelming our schools and public support systems seems a terribly self-defeating side-effect of something that (as I’ve described) doesn’t benefit the most people.
There you have it:
Open borders are not humane to anyone involved and ultimately birdfeeders seldom are either.

SoCS- “The icing on the cake”-1/22/22

Your prompt for #JusJoJan and my very first birthday-Stream-of-Consciousness-Saturday is: “icing on the cake.” Write about the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the phrase “icing on the cake.” Enjoy!

I’ve found that it’s imperative to take, at least, short breaks from the 24/7 news cycles. The human mind and senses cannot actually process several things at once. If you’ve ever paid attention to a phone call and had your toddler destroy your living room as you do, you have a firsthand example.
There are absolutely important issues to be considered but the health and stamina, needed to address them, depends solely on us taking pauses. We actually get a chance to digest and critically assess problems by allowing our subconscious to work on them as we recharge.
Stepping away from problems also gives us a new look at them. We are more capable of seeing the Big Picture this way. Have you ever worked on a jigsaw puzzle and found yourself stumped only to walk away for a while and return finding it to be amazingly simpler? I think that shows us the value in a diverse daily routine. We’re more efficient when we dabble.
So, in this overwhelming time when we’re barraged with information, I hope we all can find our “icing on the cake” in our moments with family, friends, and pets. The “good stuff” arms us for intellectual battles best and, nowadays, we certainly need to remain sharp.
Happy Saturday Everyone!


https://lindaghill.com/2022/01/21/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2022-daily-prompt-jan-22nd/

Building Self-esteem

133If you’ve ever watched a baby struggling to take her first steps, you’ve watched an exercise in self-esteem building. The struggle leading to sweet success is written on her face.

Parents waving and clapping make the event super fun yet the glow of satisfaction, the child exhibits, comes quite instinctively. It’s from the sense of accomplishment that baby feels.

Our modern society understands that self-esteem is very valuable to a healthy whole person, but sometimes, the zeal of parents, endeavoring to promote this, actually has a counter-productive effect.

The biggest misconception, about self-esteem, is that it stems from happiness. The happiness on baby’s face (above) is the end result of her struggles, bumps, and mistakes. It is not the cause of her satisfaction.

cleanup 451lips

I don’t know one mother who has not felt mortified by the realization that it’s “library day”, at school, and her child’s book has been left behind on the kitchen table. Take heart mom…your child will survive the trauma. She will learn, also, that responsibility for her own happiness comes from herself.  I speak from experience and my own mistakes. In hind-sight, I thought “good” moms smoothed the path leading to their children’s success. This was not a wise philosophy for building independence and responsible behavior.

It is clear to me, now, that self-esteem lives alongside of feeling capable. We learn much more from our mistakes and, by resolving, not to repeat them. This advice is directed toward new moms. Bite your tongue, and let your child fail while they are young and their problems (very big to them at the time) are not so big. Be there to help them design a better approach but avoid being the answer.

Katherine age 5
Katherine age 5

Hey, every parent makes mistakes. This is why they get a second chance with grandchildren. 😉

It’s a Rock and a Hard place Folks!

079 Capitol Hill United States Congress 1993
079 Capitol Hill United States Congress 1993 (Photo credit: David Holt London)

There is a problem with our government. <<Everyone nods>>

Its central locale is our Congress. <<Everyone snorts>>

It just may be too simple to fix. << Jaws agape…interest confirmed>>

Our Congress is in a bubble that “We the people…” cannot easily penetrate. The idea of setting strict term limits on Congress members has floated around but… really?…do you think they’ll vote for that?

The cry of many Americans is for cleaning out all of the members. If you haven’t wondered, <<why?>>, let me school you about a few things that I’ve learned.

There is an ongoing system of “favors” among members of Congress. In order to get votes on anything, the Congressmen and women offer favors and, with it, their implied loyalty on future votes. There are Lobbyists who dance around trying to buy an interest and some promises for loyalties. The Congress people are not required to listen to lobbyists, but folks…money talks. Power (which can be used for good OR selfishness) comes in the form of loud voices of large numbers.

Here’s the rub…when a few groups of voters get tired of their needs being traded off, they elect someone new to the Congress. Great idea with little clout. New Congresspeople are not called “freshmen” because they have fresh , new, ideas. It’s because they have little power and few connections to bargain with. The “virus” of the long time members with folders full of favors and dealings( who have lost their individual purpose) cannot be stemmed by the few “anti-virus” newbies.

Then, as I mentioned above, we ask the powerful members of Congress to vote for term limits and the end of their jobs and hard fought positions? Guess we are a naive group to be sure.

Ain’t gonna happen and unless we realize that a unified AMERICAN PUBLIC needs to make a louder noise…it’s the rock solid Congress and our country will be a “hard place” to restore to her greatness.