Sunday Poser #27- Shame, Shame, on Lazy Parents

Sadje has asked another excellent question.

This week my question is;

Do you think how we turn out is in our control?

My answer is a resounding “yes” and “no”.

We are individually predisposed to our own variety of reactions to Life’s litany of experiences.
The quiet introspective child will respond differently from the impulsive risk-taking child to the same (or similar) situations.
Neither is better equipped than the other, but their ‘journeys’ will obviously take different ‘paths’.
So, in that sense, we are each ‘slaves’ to our inborn tendencies.

Yet, in each situation we also have the capacity to make choices. Sometimes they are choices that are the ‘lesser of two evils’ and sometimes they are choices according to values and goals.
What makes life even more of a gambit is that none of us get to become adults without passing through the “tempest time” of being a teenager.
Gosh! It’s hard to watch. So much of their future successes depend on making ‘wise’ decisions during a time when their own wisdom is in low supply.
We can appeal to them but no longer have much influence on them. This is why we call the preteens, the “formative years”. Their values and decision-making skills are already formed by our involved parenting.

{A short opinion rant is coming. Viewers are advised to use discretion. LOL }

Tell me again about the modern concept of “free range parenting”?!
Offering little guidance or instruction to young children isn’t just “lazy”, it’s cruel and amounts to criminal neglect offering no compassion for their futures. It also makes our entire society and culture vulnerable to unscrupulous influences.
Shame on those who fail to guide their children! [Yes… I lost my cool. Sometimes there are topics that require it. 😉 ]



https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2023/02/05/sunday-poser-27/

First things First

That old familiar excitement has begun.  The Katydids are singing in the night and just a few maple trees are blushing with changing leaves. Back-to-school ads, preseason football, cooler nights, my Autumn “juices” are stirring.

The only thing I’m dreading is my first Christmas catalog. I realize that there is a tight schedule on advertising and stocking shelves in stores BUT this ritual really bothers me. Why is everybody rushing around? I feel dizzy half the time!

When did everything get so fast paced? I wonder if it is the embodiment of adulthood to race around outside the moment? Kids live in the moment. Funny though, it used to seem like Christmas took years in coming when I was a kid. Now, well, even I have considered starting to shop for it.

Time has always been a fascinating subject to me. Scientists tell us that it is constant but I don’t believe it. I have experienced many moments when it stood still. The morning that my granddaughter was born, I stood outside the grasp of time. I felt as though I was inside a snow globe, unreachable, silent, and calm.

My first kiss, first day of school, first time standing in a graveyard sending off a loved one, all these events stood outside of time in a place where, I assume, everyone has been.

Seems the way anyone can stay young and grounded is by keeping their experiences fresh and to continue to find “firsts” in everyday.

Wishes, Expectations and Perceptions

I was sitting at my kitchen table with three friends. We were snacking on potato chips. A lull in the conversation inspired me to examine my chip.

“Is this a chip or a crumb?” I asked the group. They all responded, “Chip”.

Then I took a bite of it. “Well?” The group had a variety of responses and the discussion came to life.

We sat and pondered the criteria that each individual used to reach a conclusion. One member insisted that in order to be called a potato chip it had to have a roundness. I suggested that a chip was anything that could withstand dipping beyond my clasped forefinger and thumb. We all then agreed immediately that dipping rules can vary and it depended whether  the dipping were at home or in public. Everyone knows that “home dipping” allows the fingers to touch the dip and “public dipping” does not.

There are so many ways to consider things that it amazes me how people have such a close idea of undefined measurements. Society and experiences must be out training ground.

If you ask a four-year old about porcupines, they all tell you that the sharp quills are called “porks”. No exceptions! Their grasp of language rules and concepts is greater than their understanding of the world itself.

Our book club got together this month to discuss “The Next Thing on My List” by Jill Smolinski. It is about a woman who becomes the custodian of a list of accomplishments another woman has written and hopes to complete. The creator of the list is killed and the woman who feels responsible for her death, decides to complete it for her. Although the book is comical and enjoyable, the idea of keeping a list of “hopeful things” made our discussion personal. We each took turns reciting 5 things from our own list of hopefuls. While listening to others, I realized that hopes and wishes have a blurred, overlapping territory. I hoped to one day learn how to operate a backhoe. Another member dreamed of knowing that her kids were comfortable,settled and happy.

Our lists proved so very interesting, we learned about each other in ways we hadn’t imagined. Even after the meeting, people paired off to compare notes on specific items brought up from our lists.

This whole piece is dedicated to the varied and communal sides of our human experience. How we somehow know when a rock is a boulder not a stone and a chip is a crumb.