Tag: conversations

Posted in In my humble opinion...

Unanswered Question: Why is it sometimes hard to talk to people?

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre

I imagined a circular conversation this morning. It sums up the frustration I have with people who seem to ask questions hoping to find specific conclusions rather than having a fruitful inquiry. They aren’t as concerned with the initial topic as they are with battling your answer. The conversations of this type go ‘off the rail’ every time. The first inquiry is always lost or mischaracterized.

Q: If you had to choose, which do you like better, cats or dogs?

A: Well, they’re very different but if I had to choose it would be cats.

Q: But you have only dogs. How can you be a “cat person”?

A: I didn’t claim to be a “cat person”. I think cats are cool, that’s all.

Q: But you used to have cats. Don’t you like your dogs?

A: I love my dogs very much. I loved my cats too.

Q: But you chose cats over dogs. Are you being serious?

A: I’m quite serious.

Q: When you had cats, were you happier?

A: No. What’s the matter with you?

Q: Why are you attacking me now? I just asked a question.

A: I’m not attacking you, I’m just not sure these questions make sense.

Q: Well, you raised your voice a little bit. Can’t you answer a simple question without hostility?

A: Okay. I answered your question. I prefer cats.

Q: Maybe you should get rid of your dogs if you don’t like dogs?

A: I never said that I DON’T LIKE DOGS!!

Q: I’m not going to talk to you anymore. You’re mean.

That is where many conversations go these days. This is an example of “Why is it sometimes hard to talk to people?”. I’m not as much of a fan of talking to random people anymore especially on controversial topics. Many are more interested in reaching their own conclusions rather than learning anything. LOL
Heaven help us.


Posted in In my humble opinion..., Unanswered Questions

Unanswered Question: Who defines ‘what you *’need’?

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre


These posts are posed as a ‘stream of consciousness’ evaluation of questions that I am asking myself.

The question I pose in the title is one that troubles me. If I were to choose a phrase that immediately ‘gets under my skin’ it is the statement from others about what ‘everyone’, or ‘someone’, ‘needs‘.
From my own sensitivity to other’s views, I’ve talked about trying to frame my comments in the arena of what I think or how I feel. I’ve learned that this is the most ‘unassuming’ and ‘fairest’ approach.
So, you may rightfully call me ‘sensitive’ to how others frame their comments. IMHO…I want to get-along and be listened to as much as anyone, but how would I know? 😉
I’ve taken exception to posts that were presented as “everyone agrees” or “everyone should” because of the pretentiousness it conveys to me.
The worst kind of statement IMHO is “they don’t need” or ‘worser’ “you don’t need” something.
I’ll admit my first internal reaction is “Who do you think you are?!” followed by the calmer, friendlier, question, “How is it that you know ‘what I need’?”

Examples of things I’ve heard are:
“People don’t need AR-15s.”
“Everyone agrees we should “Go Green”.”
“You don’t need to be that busy with your grandkids.”
“You don’t need to eat meat.”
“Everyone needs to take the “vaccine”.”
“Everyone needs to be kinder.” [IMHO… Everyone is not routinely nor purposefully unkind. So, I ask, “Are you seeing monsters that I don’t?” Should I be afraid?]
And
“We all need to come together.” This last one would be nice. I know cohesiveness in our communities is a wonderful thing.
IMHO…I think the first thing that would help in the ‘coming together’, is an effort by each of us to speak for ourselves and avoid telling others “What they need.”. It’s off-putting to me and may be to others. (But you don’t need to agree. LOL)

To my fellow Americans:
Our Constitution expresses to us directly that each of us have a right to pursue what we ‘need’ but not a right to tell others what they need.

*Oh, I understand that personal ‘needs’ are subjective and different from basic survival ‘needs’ which we all may pursue as ‘we see fit’.



Posted in In my humble opinion..., Unanswered Questions

Unanswered Question: May I have your attention on occasion?

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre


This post was inspired by a comment that I made on another post. It was about my opinion that our media is complicit in a larger global campaign of stealing our freedoms and futures by promoting an almost daily “crisis” and/or a new focus of outrage. You can totally disagree with my assessment and still learn from this post, so I ask you to continue reading.
Let’s start with a cute childhood riddle.
“What’s worse than discovering a worm in your apple?”
“Discovering half of a worm in your apple, of course.”
This is funny and a perfect segway to my next question:
“What’s worse than being fooled?”
“Not knowing that you’ve been fooled, of course.”
If you’ve never watched the TV series called Brain Games, I excitedly suggest it to you. It explores the human brain’s limitations and strengths. It’s science, folks!
Many of you already know how frustrated I get when I’m shutout of a conversation. Some of you expect conversations to be a competition to conclude “Who is ‘right’?” and avoid them because who has time for ‘battles’ these days?
What if conversations were a means to gain knowledge and understanding? That’s how I ‘see’ them.

We are not physically nor mentally equipped to pay attention to more than one thing at a time. That’s a fact. Multi-tasking is actually a state of busyness not a super-human mental ability. We may jump from one task to another with alacrity, but our efficiency suffers for it. Sorry for popping that bubble. 😉
So, what I am trying to point out is that no matter what YOU believe, you can be distracted and fooled by others who are able to get your attention. I certainly have been fooled and it not only ‘stinks’ it can be costly. The best attention getters are passionate or fear-based media reports. We’re wired to protect ourselves and preserve our values so, of course, we ‘drop’ everything else we could be paying attention to, in favor of self-preservation.
If we’re ‘busy’ in this fast-paced world, the available amount of our attention beyond our tasks is limited.
Do you know people who just read headlines and/or listen to media ‘warnings’ and leave that ‘ugly’ topic of “politics” to the zealots? I do. I can’t blame them. What bothers me is that they are being ‘played’ by censorship and misdirection when they do.
But, lucky for us there are retired, thoughtful, concerned, citizens who DO pay attention because it’s our “politics” that, whether we like it or not, directly affect our prosperity, freedom, and futures.
So, I ask, “May I have your attention on occasion?”
That request comes with no expectation of agreement or argument. It is a matter of “food for thought” in a busy world.
Below is a segment from Brain Games that may ‘open your eyes’ to how easily we can be fooled (and robbed) when our attention is diverted… many times it’s diverted for unseemly purposes. [In my humble opinion, our language, institutions, and futures are being ‘pick pocketed’ and twisted, while we’re being told in the media that we are each other’s adversaries by calling us racist, unkind, and uncaring, according to our political positions. We’re better than that. 😉 ]
We’re all in this together, friends!

Posted in In my humble opinion..., Unanswered Questions

Unanswered Question: Am I supposed to be ashamed of being political?

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre


Let’s face it. Most people are well-intentioned.
And many well-intentioned people ask themselves hard questions on a regular basis such as “Should I do or say something?” or “Am I being considerate enough of others?”.

Well, this ‘soul searching’ is good, and IMHO, we are wise to keep those things in mind. So, for me, the number of my opinion posts that ‘lean’ into politics made me ask myself, “Am I supposed to be ashamed of being political?”.

We know that people are ‘sensitive’ about political topics so perhaps I should keep that volume down a bit because there are obviously many other things to discuss, right?

Gardening, family, Nature, Pop culture, celebrities, sports, my future plans, etc. came to mind. What a surprise! Every one of those topics, and every other one that I ‘grabbed’ at, had a political thread if discussed to any level past ‘small talk’.

Don’t believe me?

Gardening and Nature get straight to Climate Change and the economy.
Family? Many (to most) of us have members with ‘gender issues’, have kids in *public education, have members with ‘drug’ and/or ‘medical’ concerns and have members who are experiencing a ‘financial’ pinch.
Pop culture? We know how quickly that goes political!
Sports? This too has been ‘tainted’ so much that a former football junkie like me hasn’t watched a game in 6 years.
Future plans? Don’t those things almost entirely depend on the political ‘management’ of our country?!

Are you seeing the same trend that I am?
It wasn’t me who did that.
I’ll leave the investigation of “Who did that?” for another thread.

Then I asked myself another question once I made that ‘everything’s political’ discovery. So, is keeping an ‘eye’ on politics a ‘bad thing’?

My answer is basically “No” (It can be overdone on a personal level.). It’s becoming abundantly clear that if a country doesn’t have a base-line cultural value system it’s in trouble. If many things actually have a thread of ‘politics’ (as I have revealed) then having healthy political systems are one of the MOST important things and the citizenry has to pursue a consensus for everyone’s sake.

Last question, “But what about everyone’s sensitive feelings about politics, shouldn’t I protect them?”

Brace yourself…
That’s a great big “Nope”. Staying silent (or being silenced) is not an option in a “free society” if you want to keep it.

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to be ashamed of “being political” according to some modern etiquette plan?
What I DO know is my own value system won’t let me even consider complying with that idea.




* Whether you agree with “woke” school policies or not, the point of this post is “everything is political”. Talking about schooling leads to “woke” policies quickly.

Posted in In my humble opinion...

Sunday Poser #114- Non-binary Thinking

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre

Thank-you Sadje for this great question.

What do you think works better; Criticizing or praising?

This question in order to be ‘to the point’ enters a realm that haunts our society which is, binary or black and white critiques. I’m not faulting the question in the least. It perfectly describes a modern tendency to suggest life is a series of either/or decisions.

Either you’re in favor of helping Ukraine or you’re siding with the Russians.
Either you take the vaccine or you’re willing to kill ‘grandma’.
Either you vote against Trump or you’re a white supremacist.

You get the drift. And if you’re intelligent and fair minded, you realize that those examples are blatantly oversimplified and unfair. IMHO…It is a dangerous game to reduce human topics and troubles to that binary place.

So, criticizing and praising aren’t cancelling forces. Each can come with good or bad intentions. Depending upon who is offering criticism, it can automatically take on a modified nature. Loved ones and trusted friends offer criticism usually because they care. It isn’t as sharp-edged as that from strangers. Praising can also be for good or ulterior motives. If you’re having a conversation with anyone, usually both criticism and praise can be, and should be, present.

Praise in excess can be just as destructive as excessive criticism too. (Have you noticed any spoiled, entitled, children around?)

My answer comes down to the recommendation to refrain from using either tactic in excess. And always use those two practices in close proximity to each other within every discussion when you’re able. Better relationships and better understanding among people will be created. I think we all want that.

How we unique individuals choose to deal with praise and/or criticism is an even more complex and sensitive question. Psychologists have studied that one for years.


https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2023/01/08/sunday-poser/

Posted in In my humble opinion...

The Lost Art of Adult Discussion

Posted on by Susan St.Pierre

I love exchanging ideas, thoughts, and opinions with people!
The absolute most useful question is, “Can you explain why or how you developed that idea?”.
Nowadays, it seems that that question is considered as an ‘assault’ or ‘insult’ to many.

Read it again, and ask yourself, if there’s anything wrong or dangerous about the question?

Yet, that question separates the intellectually honest from ‘immature’ actors.

If that question, elicits a compilation of links and YouTube videos, you may just want to graciously move on. The person obviously hasn’t thought about the concept enough to use his/her own words.
If that question, elicits an opinion portrayed as a fact, moving on is also recommended. Opinions are good but have little value in critical analysis.
And, if the question, elicits a challenge to your intelligence or integrity rather than any rational ‘ideas’ in the person’s own words, move on immediately.

The best method in conversation is to always explain what YOU believe and avoid telling others, what THEY should believe. (Actually, if you think you’re (or anyone else) is the authority on what every person should think, you’re automatically too immature to have an ‘adult’ exchange with.)
The second method, is to find samples of things that they’ve said that make sense and tell them you agree. Even if you think their premises are flawed, make an effort to tell them “You’re not alone in that.” or “I know many other intelligent people who say that.”. Then, offer your oppositional facts or opinions. At this point, the ‘adults’ will wonder about your evidence. The immature will likely talk about ‘information sources’ or say “get educated”. You likely should tell them “Have a nice day.” and save your breath. Being called ‘stupid’ ruins any ‘adult’ conversation.
Be advised, ending the discussion is what many ‘immature’ intellects actual want. They enjoy whatever conclusions they have made and find questions uncomfortable.

Obviously, the best sign of intellectual honesty is an absolute willingness to amend your opinions based on well presented arguments and new factual information. Anyone who suggests “I’m correct and you’re not.” doesn’t have enough integrity and humility to talk with.

We used to have debate assignments in grade school. That was an excellent training for making well-thought arguments. I don’t believe that the public schools teach that any longer. Sadly, the number of ‘adult’ conversations have suffered for that. I only know a handful of people who realize that disagreeing is not an assault but a request for more conversation.

I really want to know what others’ think. It helps me challenge and amend how I think. Testing our opinions either makes them stronger or makes us change them. There is no place for conclusions in Science or Public Opinion.
IMO… we’ll remain hopelessly divided until people, in general, ‘grow up’. I’m not holding my breath but have learned how to save it. 😉