Posted in Writing Prompts

RDP Prompt 4/19/23-Flippant Funeral

The word for today is FLIPPANT.

Dennis had passed away. He hadn’t been known for anything substantial but had been a fixture in the city, just the same.
He had been homeless for the last decade but adamantly refused any charity including regular baths or clean clothes.
Dennis was quite unkempt to say the least. Long tangled hair, ratty clothes, and rotted teeth defined him.

He’d panhandle on the same corner every day and greeted people with a tip of his stained baseball cap shouting a “Welcome to our fair city!” adding a humorous, “Look what it’s done for me.”. Somehow, people found him clever and endearing.

Because of that, the locals created a fund to get Dennis a ‘proper’ burial.

People audibly gasped as they filed past Dennis at the memorial. He was clean shaven, well dressed, and had a $100.00 haircut making him look 20 years younger and not at all like himself!

When it was our turn to view the body, I heard my wife whisper, “He looks wonderful!” and couldn’t help but add, “Yeah, I can’t wait until I croak so I can get an expensive make-over like that.”

My wife frowned and grabbed my arm, “Why must you always be so flippant? Show some respect for a change!”

“I cannot imagine Dennis being happy with all this. None of this fuss is for him ‘cuz it’s everything he hated.”

My wife didn’t buy it and said, “Look he’s wearing a smile too.”

“That’s probably because now he’ll be registered to vote for the first time.”

I need a place to stay for a few days. Anyone have a couch available?

Posted in Sideshows

Luck for Dummies

A gray squirrel almost got hit by a car this morning. I was looking out of my kitchen window and observed the whole incident. The key word in that statement is almost. As I watched the wild rodent, I saw him make up his mind to cross. Tail high and head down, “Peanut” charged. The oncoming vehicle was not in my line of sight. This smart fellow resisted the normal urge that squirrels have to squat and hide when danger approaches. THAT instinct is the one that usually causes squirrel traffic deaths. Sorry, I have no statistics but we all know that the number is large. This resisted moment and the final surge to the safety of the opposite sidewalk (just in time ), made all the difference. It made me consider that there may be some squirrels who become “street wise”. If this is possible, they are not communicating the knowledge very well among their brethren.

Since squirrel generations happen in months, rather than years, I might assume that “street wise” squirrels would have the surviving bloodlines and soon we would have them using crosswalks. This is not the case due to the “luck” factor. Examples of these variables are :

  • The drivers who watch for and brake for animals.
  • The time of day that “Peanut” chooses to cross.
  • The spinning of the Earth on its axis at just the right speed to afford “Peanut” an error in judgement.

So therefore, my friends, dumb squirrels continue to procreate and muddy the squirrel gene pool.

The “luck” factor is not prejudice, definable or evenly shared in this world. But, I maintain that it exists! Many believe it is the hand of God intervening . I’ve seen many things, bad and good, happen to the undeserving so I don’t believe that myself.  Most folklore and superstition have roots in the tales of the lucky/unlucky. People from all cultures believe luck can be enticed to their side by talismans. So I am starting a new charity today.

“Rabbits’ Feet for  Dumb Squirrels”

The motto will be,” Let’s give ’em a fighting chance!”

If you know any dumb squirrels and would like to donate please leave me a note. Thank-you and remember:” Just because you are dumb does not mean you cannot be lucky!”

Posted in Kid Story Ideas, Sideshows, Words 'n' such Poetry

A Little Bit Strange

Charity bit Jenny

Jenny bit a bug

The bug bit Susie

Then hid underneath the rug

Susie bit Jasper

Who sat upon a stool

The stool tipped over

Kept Jasper after school

Jasper bit his dog

Who blamed it on the cat

The cat bit our neighbor

Who believed it was a bat

The neighbor called the MD

The MD didn’t care

Then the neighbor bit the postman

On the derriere.

The postman went crazy

(we know they often do)

Bit a passing hobo

Who bit a bird or two

The birds bit an elephant

Who took it quite to heart

Now that you are listening

Here’s the funny part

The elephant bit a kid

Who was visiting the zoo

The police were called

And took an interview

The questioning went on

‘Til they solved the crime

Now Charity’s in shackles

Doing lots of time

The moral of this story

We’ll remember from this day

A little bit of Charity

Goes a long,long way!