Unanswered Question: What causes our human connections?

It’s a puzzle to me how I can feel immediate connections to people who are technically ‘strangers’ and feel uncomfortable around some family members.
When I go to the grocery store, I find the outing interesting and, as a ‘people watcher’, informative. I’m not one to consider what people are wearing as often as I find their ‘body language’ and willingness to ‘connect’ fascinating. To me, there are as many untold stories as there are people.
I don’t know whether I fancy myself as a scientist, psychologist, or detective. Just call me “endlessly curious”. LOL

I think each of us have felt a ‘connection’ with a stranger at least a few times. The young mother who smiles while you’re playing peekaboo with her toddler or the man who keeps looking at his watch while waiting outside of a store that you offer a “life gets so hectic” commiseration to.
Sometimes those gestures fall flat and sometimes they don’t. And sometimes you connect in a far deeper way.

I’ve had people, whom I had exchanged pleasantries or glances in the aisles, who happened to follow me at the check-out where we just fell into a conversation as if we’d known each other for years.

Last week, I was paying for gas at a gas station where I’m a ‘regular’. I already have a rapport with the clerk. When I couldn’t find small bills in my bag, I said,” I’ll have lots of dollar bills by Friday but not now.” She got an amused look on her face and said, “Why? Do you have a second job?” (I knew she was thinking about a pole dancer.)
All the while an elder gent was standing behind me in line.

I said,” Yes. But what a cheap crowd! I’d like fives or tens once in a while.”

Then she said, “I’d ask for fifties and hundreds!”
(She’s a cute little lady in her mid-twenties.)

I said, “You probably could, but I’m 66 years old, don’t forget.”

Well, at this point the gent bursts into a belly laugh. Once he caught his breath, he thanked us both for a laugh like he hadn’t had in a long time.
For a moment, we three had found a ‘connection’. Anyone walking in at that moment, would have been an immediate ‘outsider’.

Why does that happen?
We can find out we ‘like’ people while we don’t even have to have an opinion about others. There’s no reason to consider ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’… there just seems to be ‘connected’ or ‘unknown’.

There does seem to be a sub-category of ‘unknown’ people. You know. The ones who leave us scratching our heads. They seem nice but they’re on a totally different ‘wavelength’.
That type can be a family member or a stranger. If you consider someone a friend, IMHO that mysterious ‘connection’ factor already must exist.

The people we allow to connect with each of us must have a subliminal ‘recipe’ that we can subtly recognize. It also seems that all individuals are not meant to connect with just anyone. The pressure to automatically ‘love’ and ‘respect’ (or feel connected with) every single human being has always felt too ‘large’ of an expectation. IMHO… we’re meant to selectively connect and ignore the rest. They’ll find their own connections elsewhere, I’m sure.

I don’t believe I’ll ever come close to figuring out “What causes our human connections?”. But I’m so happy that they exist!

17 thoughts on “Unanswered Question: What causes our human connections?

  1. Great story! I resonate with your comment about how we’re not meant to connect with everyone. in fact, I kinda think I’m at my limit in the physical world regarding making new friends. I wouldn’t have the time and energy to connect in a meaningful way with a bunch of new people. I try to be “there” for the ones I’ve already connected with ~ friends and coworkers, plus of course my daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren are already a lot of people for me…

    That doesn’t preclude the fun of the “instant connect” that lasts a few moments with a stranger. Haven’t had one for a while, but they are cool when they happen. Harder now when almost all transactions are made online…

    1. Isn’t that loss of opportunities for “instant connections” a sad situation, though? The online realm and Covid Lockdowns have reduced our humanity in ways hard to point a finger at. Thank-you, my friend. ❤

  2. I agree with you, I think we are not supposed to connect with everyone. I think we are all supposed to find those we relate to, and it is impossible to closely connect with everyone. Some who can connect to everyone does not closely connect to anyone. It is either all surface or some close some distant. I think that comes from the capacity of the human brain, and its inability to relate to too many people due to human psychology, brain make-up and limitations of being human.

    1. Awesomely observed! Especially the part about the ‘many’ connections being superficial ones.
      My biggest bugaboo is this New World Order crap. Human beings need more intimate connections and The ONE WORLD concept is clearly not meant for lifting humanity but rather to “control” humanity. We are more of a mighty opposition to those who seek to dominate us when we ‘fight’ for ‘our own’…and that is something they’re well aware of. 😉

      1. I was just talking to my family about this. We need to be capable of fighting our own without doing it selfishly, that way everyone would be advocated for in a very personal way. I don’t think people have gotten to Star Trek level yet, sadly.

      2. I’ve always said that if we humans would take responsibility for our own families, communities, and countries, the whole world would be better for it.
        Now, wrap your head around the ‘diabolical’ purpose of opening our borders (flooding communities with people who can’t possibly have a ‘connection’) with all of that in mind. Thanks so much! ❤

      3. I like your way of putting that.I feel like everything is becoming more hopeful! I think humans have it in us to get along better as we learn.

  3. I believe we already get along beautifully! Meer handfuls of unscrupulous people want us to believe that we can’t. These are the government bureaucrats, and or tyrants (like Putin), who need us to NEED them. So, we’re told that we can’t function without them as referees. Our media tells us we’re racists and enemies of each other. Who does media work for? Government and elitist Big Business. Money and power are their narcotics. [They’re sadly succeeding.]

    1. I totally agree. I think it just comes down to the personality of the individual. Your grocery store dialogue was a great example. We have been living in our small community for fifteen months and see the same faces at the grocery checkout counter weekly. You get to know who makes eye contact and really talks from the people with superficial glances who aren’t interested. It’s all in the eye contact.

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