Six Sentence Story- The Sin of Broad Brushes


He’d gotten away with a bald-faced lie and Jonathan knew that was a sin, but weren’t refusing to render aid to someone ‘in need’ or failing to keep a promise also sins?

It had been a fitfully long night as Jonathan continued struggling with his own conscience until the first morning light turned the two-man tent cover from black, to pea soup green, and he hadn’t slept a ‘wink’.

Duncan moaned and smacked his lips but wasn’t awake yet and Jonathan realized he preferred that to the 8 hours of tooth grinding that he had had to endure.

The two young men had become fast friends over the last 2 months at the papermill; The same mill where Jonathan had just ruined his perfect 5-year work record with a tape-recorded “call-out” message stating that he had a ‘family emergency’- all inspired by a most desperate call from Duncan who was insisting that he’d have to leave town “Right away!”.

Duncan had jumped into the car all wild-eyed and sweaty last evening claiming that the cops were after him for an armed robbery he hadn’t committed just because he was the only black man who lived nearby the mini-mart and from all the racism horror stories that Duncan had marinated Jonathan in, as well as, the recent eye-opening workplace ‘equity training’, Jonathan’s promise to protect his new friend from the growing scourge of racism that America was “built upon”, was now dramatically playing out.

Once Duncan got up and staggered away from the tent to relieve himself, Jonathan knew time was still ‘of the essence’ and set about breaking down their hastily built, remote, campsite- that’s when he discovered the bag of wadded-up cash and the handgun…

26 thoughts on “Six Sentence Story- The Sin of Broad Brushes

  1. Doug Jacquier 08/17/2022 / 7:42 pm

    Full of urgency and in-tents-ity. Loved ‘the first morning light turned the two-man tent cover from black, to pea soup green’.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/18/2022 / 7:31 am

      I’m sure that was Jonathan’s first thought. πŸ˜‰

      • Sadje 08/18/2022 / 8:00 am


  2. Frank Hubeny 08/17/2022 / 9:26 pm

    It looks like Duncan did it after all. I hope Jonathan can get out of that situation.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/17/2022 / 9:35 pm

      Thanks, Frank. If Jonathan survives this, he probably won’t be so gullible in the future. πŸ˜‰

  3. ceayr 08/18/2022 / 5:53 am

    Good ol’ Dunky socks it to Whitey!

  4. UP 08/18/2022 / 12:39 pm

    goodo use of the cue and good writing..

  5. clark 08/18/2022 / 2:35 pm

    The road to hell is paved with good….
    nah… some of us have standards…(lol)

  6. Keith's Ramblings 08/19/2022 / 6:18 am

    I was as surprised as Johnathan when I read the last sentence! Nice one.

  7. jenne49 08/19/2022 / 7:42 am

    Well crafted story full of tension and conflict – and then the surprise ending to top it off

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/19/2022 / 7:44 am

      😊 No one was more surprised than poor Jonathan. Thank-you!

  8. GirlieOnTheEdge 08/21/2022 / 7:07 pm

    My first thought echoes Mimi’s. The betrayal of trust. Surely, the most awful of crimes between two people embarking on friendship. Leaves a most sour note in one’s mouth.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/21/2022 / 7:59 pm

      Not all friendships have equal partners. Sad but lessons are painful sometimes. Thanks!

  9. Spira 09/11/2022 / 6:25 am

    Too late to the tent-party…apologies.
    (It’s been a, let’s say interesting, month for me , Susan)

    Trust…a currency hard to get, easy to spend.
    I like your here- is- a -cake-oh, you-miss-the-sugar-coating?- trademark approach of yoursπŸ˜‰

    • Susan St.Pierre 09/11/2022 / 12:11 pm

      πŸ™‚ Thank-you, Nick. My hands have been full too. I hope things calm down for each of us.

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