Six Sentence Story- Big Mistake


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The train was coming up on its final sharp corner before pulling into the station.

It followed a familiar route, made thousands of times, through a small, still, village with steeples poking above beautiful, symmetrically groomed, trees, then it passed through a brief black tunnel -disappearing for a moment – before it climbed a sharply steep grade.

Marielle was a first-time engineer, with an agenda, who snickered with delight anticipating the stomach turning curve awaiting the machine on the other side.

The passengers were stoically quiet as they were tossed back and forth, a bit, by the engineer’s heavy-handed acceleration but all seemed familiar and routine.

With the curve coming into view, Marielle throttled up again anticipating the thrill of her life while blowing the whistle signaling the train’s arrival when it DERAILED – ejecting every passenger and creating a wreckage debris field of epoch proportion!

Her brother sobbed at the scene vowing never to let his sister operate his favorite toy again!

30 thoughts on “Six Sentence Story- Big Mistake

  1. Dora 08/25/2021 / 2:36 pm

    Whew! A toy train.

  2. GirlieOnTheEdge 08/25/2021 / 8:08 pm

    Fun Six, Susan! You definitely created momentum in one direction and then pulled the rug out from under us. Good one 🙂

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/25/2021 / 8:34 pm

      Thanks so much! I love it when those twists work. 😊

  3. Doug Jacquier 08/25/2021 / 8:26 pm

    Oh, you sneaky snatcher. Just as well it was so well written. 🙂

  4. Shweta Suresh 08/25/2021 / 11:32 pm

    Thank God that it was just a toy train. Well written, Susan

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/26/2021 / 6:58 pm

      The tale took a similar route as the train. Thanks, Shweta!

  5. Frank Hubeny 08/25/2021 / 11:45 pm

    I’m glad this was a toy. I like how Marielle snickered with delight at the coming curve.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/26/2021 / 7:00 pm

      Sisters aren’t all sugar and spice in the real world. lol Thanks, Frank.

  6. Chris Hall 08/26/2021 / 3:54 am

    Good one, Susan! Didn’t see that one coming… 🙂

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/26/2021 / 7:01 pm

      It was ’round that bend and out of sight, Chris. lol

      • Chris Hall 08/27/2021 / 3:38 am

        I keep thinking of the saying: ‘the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train’. I’ll try and brush that from my mind, while Marielle’s brother picks up the pieces… 🚂🚃🚃🚃

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/26/2021 / 7:02 pm

      Thank goodness I knew the ending from the start or I may have lost my nerve! LOL

  7. Liz H 08/26/2021 / 10:44 am

    You got me good with that one!
    That Marielle turned out to be a bit of a li’l stinker! 😀

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/26/2021 / 7:04 pm

      Bet she’s a sweetie when Mom and Dad are around. You’re so right! Ha

  8. UP 08/26/2021 / 12:24 pm

    this was a fun one!

  9. clark 08/26/2021 / 4:00 pm

    The mark of a good writer is to be able to get the Reader right to the ‘punchline’ without tipping their hand. Especially with Six Sentence Story which don’t exactly provide excess room to distract the Reader until the right moment.
    very cool Six

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/27/2021 / 4:08 pm

      Thanks! It doesn’t always work. I’m pleased it did! 😊

  10. The Atomic Mage 08/28/2021 / 2:34 am

    Ha, excellent. I did wonder from the picture if the story was going to be about a toy train… and you kept me thinking right to the end. A friend of mine is a model train enthusiast and has a huge spare room devoted to it. The attention to detail in creating his ‘mini train world’ is staggering.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/30/2021 / 12:23 pm

      Thanks… I tried to find a real-looking toy image to hide the ending. 😉

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