Six Sentence Story-Perilous Promises 5

This is an installment to a series of SIXES that I had abandoned for awhile. Below are links to the previous chapters, in order, if you wish to catch up. If not, I’ve tried to offer minor re-cap clues to make this one somewhat stand alone. Thanks!


Mig set Abria down as the three travelers entered the quaint little village that was yet to fully awaken to a sweltering summer sun.

The boys’ legs were agonizingly stiff from the, less than level, trail they’d traversed but their bellies cried louder than any aching muscle could.

Miguel Cabello was nearly eighteen and had lived on his own since he was nine, so what hadn’t been able to kill him had surely made him stronger, and his purple wristband was just enough to fend off cartel assaults, therefore he was chosen to find dumpsters, or -better yet- carelessly unsecured stashes of food.

Recently turned thirteen year old, Ernesto, sat in the shadows, with one arm around his frail little sister, and prayed for Mig’s safety and success while slipping easily into a long overdue sleep.

Suddenly, he was jerked upright by someone with a powerful grip and found himself face to face with the still “very much alive” Butch, whom he thought he had murdered-weeks before-when Ernesto had fended him off of Abria with an axe!

Abria squealed in terror as Ernesto dangled- as helplessly as Butch’s mangled left arm rendered useless since Ernesto’s axe attack- inhaling the stench of rotten teeth, whiskey, and pure evil, when a gunshot rang out and Butch, dropped like a rock, falling dead at the paralyzed boy’s feet.

19 thoughts on “Six Sentence Story-Perilous Promises 5

  1. Frank Hubeny 08/11/2021 / 9:41 pm

    Butch should have left well enough alone, but I guess he had to try to retrieve them.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/11/2021 / 10:34 pm

      He would have probably taken the loss of money and killed them for revenge. Thanks for reading and following, Frank!

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/12/2021 / 7:32 am

      Thank-you. It will take a lifetime to recover from what they’ve seen alone, I’m afraid. 😥

  2. clark 08/11/2021 / 10:45 pm


    Excellent set-up and concise action, which even included elements of backstory, i.e. mangled left arm, which, in turn, provides depth to another character (Ernesto).


    *compliment on a Six that tricks us Readers into false complacency, thinking, “OK we remember what led up to this, the adventure of the journey continues…” then Bam!

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/12/2021 / 7:56 am

      Damn! Your glowing critique made me smile from ear to ear, Clark. Damn nice comment! 😊

  3. GirlieOnTheEdge 08/11/2021 / 11:47 pm

    May these children have seen the last of life threatening violence. And yet, their journey remains perilous.
    Thanks for posting the links!

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/12/2021 / 7:30 am

      Thank-you for reading! There will be light moments sprinkled in, stay tuned. 😊

  4. Chris Hall 08/12/2021 / 5:03 am

    I’m so pleased you returned to the story, Susan, but oh! your poor characters… Safe for the moment, at least.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/12/2021 / 7:28 am

      Thanks for the inspiration, Chris!
      It’s going to be a difficult time but I hope to add some lighter moments too.

  5. UP 08/12/2021 / 10:55 am

    safe at last is good, so’s this six 🙂

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/12/2021 / 12:27 pm

      They’ll breathe easier for a bit. But shot Butch? Stay tuned. 😉

  6. Liz H 08/12/2021 / 3:31 pm

    Wow! This Six reads like a rattling machine gun…terrifying, and very good!

  7. Pat Brockett 08/13/2021 / 12:59 am

    This scene is set so well, but is one is filled with such terrifying moments. It is sad to think how common place scenes like this may be for many children.

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/13/2021 / 8:17 am

      Absolutely. Some kids lose innocence way too soon! Thank-you. I try to subtly let my granddaughters know how fortunate they are so they don’t take it for granted. 😉

  8. The Atomic Mage 08/14/2021 / 2:46 am

    I remember this series of yours, Susan, glad you picked it up again. Love the lines: “bellies cried louder than any aching muscle could.” and” inhaling the stench of rotten teeth, whiskey, and pure evil”
    Butch couldn’t help coming back for more!

    • Susan St.Pierre 08/14/2021 / 2:04 pm

      Truly humbled that you enjoyed it and remembered it too! Chris Hall inspired me not to abandon these characters. 😊

      • The Atomic Mage 08/15/2021 / 9:37 am

        She’s right. Sometimes you have to stay with certain characters.

Tell me something good...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s