Six Sentence Story- Perilous Promises 2

Rules of the hop:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word.
Return here, link your post Wednesday night through Saturday late…
Spread the word and put in a good one to your fellow writers


It had been an agonizing two weeks and almost four hundred miles with Ernesto praying every night for their nightmare to end; sometimes even if it had to be with a merciful death.

He was haunted by too many things to count but having Butch’s imagined lifeless face nightly pursuing him in his dreams was the worst, even overshadowing their discovery, just yesterday, of the stiffened, rat ravaged, corpse of a newborn baby in a village dumpster.

As he and Abria inched toward America, some small kindnesses were afforded them by other ‘travelers’ even though the children weren’t part of any group, so recognizing the woman who had once dressed his knife wound waving to him from atop of an overloaded cattle truck, offered him an unexpected flicker of comfort.

She signaled him to hurry but Abria had already stopped moving her feet during the last hour so he dragged his sister even faster hoping to catch that blessed ride, when suddenly he let her go, because Abria, who hadn’t spoken a word since her attack ,screeched, “STOP! I want to go HOME!”.

Dust coagulated her tears and thickened the nasal discharge she’d had for days as she collapsed like an ancient woman on her deathbed; that scene of her crumbling before his eyes manufactured anger and anguish in Ernesto to the point of threatening to rupture his heart.

As the truck pulled away without them, Ernesto swept his frail, nearly weightless, sister up in the last daylight while cursing their father to HELL through clenched teeth, then rushed to find a hiding spot far away from the impending next wave of the caravan, which held far more danger than anything unseen they’d encounter in the brush after dark.

Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt! – GirlieOnTheEdge’s Blog (
It’s Six Sentence Story Thursday Link Up! – GirlieOnTheEdge’s Blog (

28 thoughts on “Six Sentence Story- Perilous Promises 2

  1. Frank Hubeny 04/07/2021 / 6:36 pm

    I like how you built up the tension especially with the panic Abria experienced.

  2. Pat Brockett 04/07/2021 / 6:43 pm

    Oh, wow! Reading this after watching a movie last night about a family trying to escape from war torn Laos added even more horrid images of man’s inhumanity to man. I realize you SSS has nothing to do with the movie I watched, but there were some similarities. This is so well written!

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/07/2021 / 6:46 pm

      That’s very kind of you. I’m so pleased it succeeded in what I was trying to convey. Many thanks for your comment, Pat.

  3. D. Avery @shiftnshake 04/07/2021 / 7:18 pm

    So many difficult truths in these six sentence stories of Ernesto and his sister. And does it end at a wall?
    Thank you for continuing their story.

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/07/2021 / 8:55 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting. We shall see about the wall. 😉

  4. GirlieOnTheEdge 04/07/2021 / 7:46 pm

    Your continuation of this story still holds the intensity present in the first installment. A testament to your writing, Susan.

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/07/2021 / 8:57 pm

      Much appreciated! I’ve come to care so much about these kids.

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/07/2021 / 8:58 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Doug. I’m pleased.

  5. messymimi's meanderings 04/07/2021 / 9:46 pm

    So much pain and fear and terror in this world, and way too much of it is experienced by children.

  6. Chris Hall 04/08/2021 / 3:38 am

    Great continuation, Susan. I’m really invested in your characters.

  7. UP 04/08/2021 / 9:13 am

    excellent. gripping story

  8. clark 04/08/2021 / 5:48 pm

    Good Six, yo

    * a compliment on a Six (serialized) that is relentlessly engaging yet has such emotional content as to leave the Reader feel like a rider approaching the next to last steep incline

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/08/2021 / 6:35 pm

      WOW! A most humbling comment. Thanks so much. Stay tuned… a few twists on the horizon. 😉

  9. ceayr 04/10/2021 / 11:11 am

    Jings, Susan, this is harrowing stuff.
    Expert portrayal of desperation and misery.

  10. Lisa Tomey 04/11/2021 / 4:02 am

    You brought the reader into the scene.

    • Susan St.Pierre 04/11/2021 / 9:49 am

      Thank you and sorry about that too. It’s a real life nightmare!

      • Lisa Tomey 04/11/2021 / 6:01 pm

        I am so sorry. Hugs

  11. TheHiddenEdge 04/11/2021 / 5:33 pm

    Dear me! I feel there is so much more to come … ?

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